


Pardons

by MayLovelies



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Married Couple, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 13:32:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14955612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayLovelies/pseuds/MayLovelies
Summary: Garak and Julian discuss how their relationship fell apart.





	Pardons

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhere, andrew robinson said that julian and garak's relationship fell apart during 'our man bashir' so, i wanted to visit that.

Garak tossed the Padd on the couch in anger, not a second after he himself collapsed next to his device.

 

“Long meeting?” A voice from the armchair adjacent to Garak spoke. The Cardassian in return groaned, and sat up. His eyes resting on the human gazing apologetically at him.

 

“You have no idea. These new legates...and community leaders...” He groaned. “I have to remind myself that Cardassia will _never_ be the same, and that includes the leadership.”

 

“That sounds difficult.” _Julian_ responded, his voice rather disant.

 

It was then, Garak sat up, all exhaustion forgotten. This time, his gaze fixated on Julian who seemed to be staring down toward the ground. His eyes blank and his posture stiff. Garak felt there was something off.

 

“Julian, is there something wrong?”

 

Julian leaned back, not responding right away. It was then, Garak pressed on. “Did something go wrong at the conference?” Julian, while he lived on Cardassia didn’t spend all his time there. He was invited to various medical conferences around the galaxy, many times as an honored guest, yet sometimes those conferences weren’t always enjoyable for him. They were too long, boring or filled with people he didn’t get along with.

 

“It’s not that no...it’s just...I was listening to some of my old station logs.”

 

“Ahh, from the Deep Space Nine?” Garak inquired. “I understand. Being a doctor, you didn’t have the best of days.”

 

“It wasn’t that.” Julian responded somberly.

 

Garak could tell that whatever was on his mind brought up some type of distress, so without hesitation, he stood and walked over to the couch his husband currently sat on. Almost out of instinct, Bashir placed and arm around Garak, pulling him close.

 

“What is it dear?” Garak whispered, leaning into his husband. “What’s on your mind.”

 

“You remember the holosuite...the spy program?”

 

Garak chuckled, his eyes lighting up with glee as memories of near death experiences flashed through his mind as he had fought by Julian’s side. They both played the role of the assassin so well, yet there was something so intriguing about Julian’s dedication that day.  

“The one I intruded on? Oh you weren’t happy about that...If I remember correctly, you weren’t to keen on having me in there were you?”

 

Julian smiled. “But I needed you, and I was grateful. That’s why I invited you to lunch after.” He exhaled. “Oh the days when we weren’t married were just so...dull.”

 

“Ah yes, dull and painful but, I know _that_ isn’t what’s putting you off. What about that day has gotten you so upset? Julian, you can tell me.”

 

“I shot you in the neck. Remember that.” His voice was cold, almost emotionless, yet Garak could hear the anger. Not anger directed a him not, but more self anger...as if Julian was angry at himself. “The safety protocols were off and I knew that, _I knew_ that...yet, I shot you. If it wasn’t for my augmentation...you’d be dead.”

 

“Julian, I was going to end the program? I could have _killed_ your friends--”

 

“But if you were anyone else...I would have tried to talk you out of it. Back then, if that was Jadzia, or even _Miles...Miles_ tried to kill us and I wouldn’t let you hurt him. But Garak, I almost killed you...like it was nothing.”

 

Things went silent then, and Julian eventually broke away from Garak. He migrated toward the other end of the couch where he simply looked out of the window. Garak on the other hand remained still, not sure what to say or how to further confront the situation. That was _years,_ ago and to know it still affected Julian to this day, was heartbreaking.

 

“What could you have done?” He asked, knowing very well that Julian would come up with some sort of snide remark. “Your friends would have died--”

 

“I was in love with you then Garak, you just didn’t know. What way was that, to treat someone I loved?” Julian turned away from the window, eyes resting on Garak. “After that...our relationship started to fall a part...I had tricked myself so long into believing that you deserved my ignoring you...that you deserved to get shot. Garak, was it my fault our relationship fell apart?”

 

Garak sighed.

 

He thought they’d put this behind them. That painful time on the station when Julian had, very clearly ended whatever relationship they had, had haunted Garak for years. He was beyond _shocked_ when Julian had proposed to go to Cardassia with him. Things were different now, but still, Garak could never forget the friction between he and Julian as their days on Deep Space Nine ended.

 

“Garak--”

 

“When you stopped talking to me, I wanted to know what I did wrong,” He took a deep breath. “Your friendship, and presence was _very_ important to me. You knew how I felt being on that station...every day was a battle to stay alive. My emotional health was never where it needed to be and some days, especially without the implant, it felt better too...too end it all. But, you made living there bearable.” It was then, Garak let out a long...painful breath, his body still turned away from Julian. “When you began to avoid me...it hurt. When you stopped coming to our lunches, and stopped speaking to me, I didn’t know what to think. And I was _angry._ You had no idea how much you meant to me, but apparently, I meant _nothing_ to you. So this answer Julian is yes...you did tear our relationship apart.”  

 

Garak hadn’t even realized how shaky his own voice had gotten. That time was painful to recall, and finally admitting it was as well. Yet, there was a weight lifted off of his chest. Perhaps this is something he always wanted to say, something that always left him angry and confused. He needed closure eventually.

 

Julian was silent.

 

From his side of the sofa, Garak saw his back view as he slumped against the couch. He crawled over to Julian, and leaned against him.

 

“Garak...I’m...I’m so sorry.” He whispered. “I should have never...There is no excuse for the way I treated you and I’m sorry...”

 

“Julian, you also helped me.” Garak responded. “You came to Cardassia with me, and helped me rebuild this planet when you didn’t have to. After _all_ Cardassia has done, you helped us. You helped me. You have been by my side for years and I couldn’t have gotten here without you. I forgave you long ago, because you apologized the moment you asked to come to Cardassia with me...you just never realized.”

 

Julian’s shuddered and his shoulders trembled. He then turned away and pulled Garak into a tight hug.

 

 _“Thank you.”_ He whispered.

 

“We’re married now, we both have well paying and well revered jobs...we’re talking about having a family...We have an amazing life. And _I_ have an amazing husband...don’t forget it, and don’t dwell on the past.”

 

Julian exhaled, holding on to Garak tighter before he finally released him.

 

“Please smile for me, I’ve had a long day.”

 

Julian chuckled , a smile creeping on his face inevitably.

 

“Good. Now, do tell me about your conference, you’ve been awfully silent about. I heard there was a Breen doctor there!” Garak pushed, changing the subject and much to his delight, Julian began his long, detailed filled description.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! if so please comment and leave kudos.


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